Aha!

I've been waiting for this - the big Aha! moment. I looked high and low, under rocks and deadlines, behind trees, in closets, I waited, I forgot about it, then I remembered and continued the search. I paused, listening...

Then it came - the aha! This while sitting in my leather chair. I seem to get revelations here. When I went through my divorce, I hit a new kind of low - the kind when you have to remind yourself to breathe. The kind where you rely on a morning multi-vitamin to get nutrients. The kind where your sister makes you promise to have said vitamin and a piece of fruit every day. (I did!) The kind where you allow yourself to eat whatever you want because you have no appetite. (Combos and Diet Dew dinners? Hell, yeah!) The kind where people ask you if you're eating and you say yes, but don't understand why they're asking because by now you are starting to eat more/better ensuring you're getting each food group every day. The kind where you're still losing weight, but don't realize it. The kind where you can barely get off the couch. The kind that you never want to experience again. The kind that inspires you to realize your dreams because you never want to return to pre-divorce numbness and inauthenticity.

I've been growing and learning and will continue to do both. So there are no more excuses - it's time to live the life I've been practicing to live. And I'm scared as shit.

And, and, a tad exhilarated.